It’s 00:09 right now. Very much past my bedtime and very much into the night. If I look straight up I can see the stars bright towards the sky. The reason I say towards rather than the latter, ‘in the sky’ is that the sky, as far as we know, doesn’t have edges or a perimeter. There are no boundaries to the sky. The stars are in the face of the sky, therefore leaning towards not in. Just like myself, I’m facing towards the stars, the stars are merely a reflection of me towards the sky. It’s now 00:13 and you have just read something that you probably do not agree with. Which is fair enough because I just made it up. Life is made up. There isn’t any truth. However, there is emotion. Emotions which directs us towards what we consider right and wrong. Why am I awake at, now 00:16 am in the morning? I don’t know. I couldn’t sleep. I must be on the cusp of something. Something worth typing about. *Not literal writing.*
I sleep naked. Does anyone else? It feels liberating, doesn’t it? Just as sleeping naked makes me feel unchained from the day, writing does something similar. There is no point in doing this. Yet, I had the emotion to follow through. We will see how long this will last. If you’re reading this then thank you, you didn’t have to and you still don’t have to. But if you’re interested in learning about a woman who his self-aware, cheeky, opinionated and in a constant state of flux and contradiction then subscribe and hang around.
When the website asked me what name I would like to call this blog, I thought, “my name is too obvious just as is.” So I looked it up in the dictionary. C A R M E N. The dictionary spat that one back in my face with auto correct and instead showed me C A R M A N. I underlined it for the few who may not understand how the dictionary made an error. I rolled my eyes. Although, the definition is one that resonated with me. “A driver of a van or cart; a carrier.” I drive a car, which is similar to a van because I can sleep in the back of it. Yep, that’s how I decide if a vehicle is actually a van or not. I drive a car with men in it. Not literally. But I have driven around many boys though and one almost-man who actually drove me around in my car. I am Car-men. I guess I am the carrier. I am the carrier of myself. So there, I proceeded with this title. One might say it even carries itself.
00:37. That’s right. I use 24 hour time. People ask me when they see my phone time. “Why do you use 24 hour time?” I just tell them it’s because I like it. I like it because it’s linked to one of the fondest memories I have of my father growing up. He taught me how to read it and calculate it. He spent afternoons teaching me this ostentatious skill.
As you can only write from an experience you have of the world and because I’m only 18 years of age, my experience is limited. So, I’ll be honest, as close friends and family know I am, this documentation will include people I have encountered and will encounter along the way. I will make up second names for these people, just like I have done for myself. That way, they can keep their dignity.
See me now? I’ve just moved forward. Towards something. It may not be as big or as bright as the stars moving towards the sky but it’s towards.